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2007年3月12日星期一

他的求職信有沒有問題?

有網友世侄某甲, 上年六月副學士畢業, 今天寄出了他的第一千封求職信, 但別說找到一份長工, 見工次數也少得可憐. 雖然說他只靠jobsdb之類, 沒靠過人事關係, 但失敗率之高, 令他想到問題可能出在求職信當中. 現在我徵得他同意, 公開他的求職信給這裡一眾職場朋友過目, 看各位能否幫他的忙, 令他比較容易見到工, 直到上班.

以下是他的求職信:

I am writing for applying for the position of the
Customer Service Officer which is advertised in
Career Times at 28 February, 2006. I am currently
a student of English for International Corporate
Communication at City University of Hong Kong.

As a leading international airliner that focus on the human
relations, I believe that if working as a customer service
officer in your airline may help the company to become a
more successful and hence will help to promote Hong Kong a
s a destination of traveller around the world.

As I have been worked as a shopkeeper, I understand and known
about how to dealing with customer and have experience in some
of the unexpected situation. Also, as a have studied in English
and Japanese during my university study I will able to communicate
not just only the customer in English speaking countries,
I will able to help the Japanese customer.

I am enclosing my full resume for your reference. And I am looking
forward to hear from you and to being granted the opportunity of an
interview.



以下是他的resume:

EDUCATIONAL QUALIFICATIONS

2005 – 2006 B.A. (Hons) English of International Corporate Communication

University of Central Lancashire / City University of Hong Kong

- Concern on various types of Business English and Western Culture when using English in Business Sector

2003 – 2005 XXXXXX, City University of Hong Kong

- Concern on Japanese Language and Japanese culture.

1994 – 2002 Shatin XXXX Secondary School, F.1 to F.7

PROFESSIONAL CERTIFICATIONS

2006 Certificate of Japanese Proficiency Test, Level 2

2006 Outbound Tour Escort Certificate

EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES

2004 Student Helper of International Symposium on Japanese Studies and Japanese Language Education

- Helping foreign guests in guiding to the conference rooms and facilitates communications between the guest and the local staff.

2000 – 2001 Vice President of House Committee

- Leading several project teams to hold sports and arts functions (with intense communication with people).

- Developed leadership in helping people to achieve goal within deadline.

AWARD

2005 Final Year Project Award

- By Associate of Arts, Applied Japanese Studies in City University of Hong Kong to dedicate the excellence in the final year project

SKILLS

Computer Microsoft Word, Excel, PowerPoint

Typing English 25 wpm, Japanese 30 wpm, Chinese 20 wpm

Language Cantonese, English, Japanese, Mandarin

INTEREST

Reading, Travelling

Expected salary

Negotiable

Date of Available

Immediate

5 則留言:

Justin 說...

我覺得佢冇搵人proof read佢呢封信就已經好有問題。唔講內容,淨係grammar都錯得好緊要。人地一睇,睇到錯漏百出既句字,就會覺得佢連咁都懶做,又或者係佢唔知自己既英文寫得唔夠好,又點會請佢。

Kenka 說...

Justin兄: 我倒注意到他寫信的態度問題. 但歸根到底, 應該從何執起?

Justin 說...

說來見笑。grammar方面,我都好差,唔敢幫你改。

內容方面,我覺得唔好話自己作為一個小小的customer service officer就可以promote Hong Kong。

反而,可以強調自己做過既野,例如working experience.可以講一兩句關於做shopkeeper既內容。跟住又講下自己做過一些國際活動既student helper, 有經驗唔同國家既人溝通。然後就話自己幾咁鐘意行黎行去同人講野做一份會見得多人既工。


然後,又講下自己做過vice house captain,講自己可以同時be a team leader and to be lead,好鐘意team work咁。

跟住,就加埋最尾果段入去。

===========

可能有其他朋友有唔同既意見,我見工經驗都唔算多,唔敢話咁樣一定好。都希望幫到你。

杜B 說...

少少意見...

1. 封信太長,太多唔關間公司事嘅嘢,嗰D "i believe blah blah blah" 可以成段唔要,作為 fresh grad 應該係點樣打低其他 fresh grad,而相關工作經驗應該係最著數,可以多著墨。

2. 至於搵乜工,既然識日文,何不搵日本 agent 幫手?如果有二級程度以上,響香港搵日本公司一定比搵香港公司易得多。

Kenka 說...

justin: 不知道世侄會否善於team work. 以前有世叔伯見我99年科網狂熱, 明明寫程式都不太在行就要我寫resume說懂得寫程式, 要我去見it工. 我覺得如果世侄不太善於team work的話不應該勉強他寫上去.

杜b: cover letter可能真的長了點, 因為他還會加幾句來tailor made封信.
世侄他決心不要當sales. 這種想法我以為就算有agent都不能太幫忙.